Who Am I?

I had a sudden but serious topic with my Mom yesterday night. It happened after some incident with my sister and brother, it's kinda hard to explain what happened so I'll just leave it as it is.

Mom told me I'm living with few faces of my own even when I'm at such a young age. So what will happen in the mere future? I really don't know. But am I really living with few faces of my own? I admit that I am different when I'm with my family and close friends compared to people whom I just met. Or could it be of social sakes I became a different me. I often show faces to my siblings when they talk to me. But I don't mean anything cos I see myself to be only joking with them, and in my Mom's eyes.. I'm being very mean and so to say, turn-them-down-on-the-spot when they try to bring up a discussion with me. Maybe at times when I'm in a bad mood I talk to them in a different tone, not really encouraging but I did it still. How about now? I wasn't in a bad mood yesterday, yet I turned them down as how I mentioned just now?

I always believe that one can never see how they behave compared to the eyes of others. I always thought the way I behaved all these years have no offence to anyone, and I was wrong. In my Mom's eyes, she sees the other side of me because she's the closest to me, and she's my Mother. Mother knows best, and this is true. There are a lot of things which I didn't do nowadays compared to days back then, where I helped Mom do all her housework. Talk to her almost about everything.. Where have I been?

Maybe it is time for me to change who I am right now. But will I lose all my friends if I behave like how I behaved at home? When I'm with my family? I believe so. I might just be one of the guys where people hated a lot.. not friendly, not sociable, snobbish.. Maybe it's true when people say I'm a snobbish person when they look at my face..

Could this be the prove of how you can actually judge a book by its cover?

Do I have many faces?
Towards different people, in different places?
Is that human nature I ask myself,
Honestly, I couldn't tell..

I always wanted to be who I am,
But who is the real me in reality?
If I really am who I am,
Why am I being said of those by people around me?

I talk to people I look in their eyes,
I can tell many things, including truth and lies,
Can I look at myself to the mirror on the wall,
And tell if I am being who I really am,
Sitting low or standing tall?

Who am I, can anyone tell me.. and remind me?

do it yourself the vios way

do it yourself (courtesy from hp)

What?!

I totally forgot about blogging what happened 2 days ago, or was that just a day ago? Eheheehe couldn't remember. Working 4 am in the morning is really making me confused of days and nights, its either I thoughts it's one day earlier or one day later.. Alright here's what happened.

I went home after work and slept around 12 plus in the afternoon, roughly around that time. Then I woke up all of a sudden and looked at the clock, it was 5.45 (didn't write this on international hour cos you will know why after this) and I go, "Oh shit, not again! I'm late again!" More convincing towards what happened, I saw a miss call from LingLing and a message from her saying I didn't message her, and I thought I slept the whole 12 hours! Was about to call Cynthia and apologized for being late, again. I called LingLing and asked if it's 5.45 in the morning or evening, (the weather out there look like it's in the morning you see) and LingLing was laughing her head off telling me it's 5.45 in the evening.. and that's 1745 instead of 0545.. Ahahaha I was so stoned..

Very stoned..

Something I must say to you..

We kinda talked over about something 2 days ago, and it wasn't really nice to be in that situation after so long of not getting involved. Yes, it's true that I've not been paying much attention to you and I thought I did.. I'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart.

I was online yesterday and found out that you have changed your nick. It says, "Has made herself much too available & attainable but very unreceptive.." I felt really bad to be honest, seeing how much disappointment I have given you. The debate yesterday was very much said that I have hurt you in some other ways. I don't mean it. I just wanted the best for the both of us. I promised you things yet I never really did it because I thought I did it in a way. Instead of asking myself to see from your point of view, I asked you to do it seeing from my point of view. I shouldn't have asked you to do this and that because in this relationship, you have done more than enough. You have tried your very best to be a good girlfriend, giving everything you have, made yourself all available even when you're facing exams.

When we spoke on the phone yesterday,
Nothing seem to be the same as days away,
I wish all these to go as far as they could,
And leave us with only happiness inputs.

I never meant to say those things to you,
May you forgive me.. for everything I've done to you.

Sometimes I only do things without you saying,
Overall you're the one who's been telling,
Ridiculously I never admit all my mistakes,
Ridiculously I gave you all these unwanted state,
You want the best for everything and I shall let my mistakes fade..

Don't worry Ling, I too had put my pillow higher and thought hard of it, and I realized what happened is because of what I did, not you. Don't tell me what to do, I shall not let you down in time to come *hugs*

I found it!

Couldn't resist not to look for the lyrics online ehehe.. Skipped a bit of work to search for it and yeah I found it! Muahahaha enjoy yeah? I'm enjoying it already ehehe

Artist : OAG
Song : Akustatik
Positive Tone

Seusia malamku menantimu
Dihembus embun aku tersipu
Mungkinkah kau lupa temu janji kita
Kau gembira bersama teman-temanmu

Berlari-lari ku mencarimu
Selembut salju musim berlalu
Mengapa berubah sekelip mata
Hatiku gundah tiada terhingga

Kau umpama merpati putih
Patah sayapnya di udara
Bercahaya

Engkau umpama merpati putih
Patah sayapnya di udara
Kau umpama merpati putih
Patah sayapnya di udara

Have you?

engkau umpama merpati putih
patah sayapnya di udara
kau umpana merpati putih
patah sayapnya di udara

Have anyone of you heard of this song before? I listen to it everyday at my workplace because they play this song at this time, very often :) I like the melody of this song.. I had the title but left it somewhere with my braincells, maybe they went out to play.. All I know is OAG sang this song. Very nice..

Yeah guess what? I feel like doing another poetry here..

Ku merindui suara mu yang manis,
Ku merasai kehilangan diri mu di kota permaisuri,
Ku menanti kepulangan mu ke sisi hati,
Ku menunggu keajaiban yang bakal menjadi..

Man it's kinda hard to write poems in Bahasa Melayu.. Even after finishing the first part, it's even harder to continue writing ahahaha oh well, there's always a start for everything. I'll just practise more ehehehe

What have you got to say?

Yeaps I have read some comments here about the way I should write.. I've decided to do a bit of both with DOTS.. Yeaps.. From today onwards this is how my writing style's gonna be, the LIMERIC style muahahahaa.. Suddenly feel like writing idioms..

Love, friendship and family,
Is what I will always have in me,
Money, fame and fortune,
Encourage nothing but dreaded moans,
Robberies, terrorists and sacrifices,
Indirectly make its way to the top of notion,
Controlling minds of little ones..

A bit the out but oh well, it's 0633 ahahaha a bit the hard to think properly.. Oh yeah, I was on my way to work just 1 hour ago yeah I woke up late again.. Man tiring.. Was doing a left turn and stayed on the right lane after that when a green colored Nissan Sentra kinda swerved to my lane because of a slow moving truck in front of him. So I gave him a very light horn and he started speeding his way up to LDP Highway. Very ironic isn't it?

So I took my time driving to One Utama until I saw him again. Without any intension of racing I slowly overtook him from the middle lane to the fast lane, (he was in the middle lane though) looked at him a while, and continue driving. He sticked his car near to mine and started following close. What was that all about? I stepped on the pedal and ditched him away far behind.

It is very funny when you're driving and something like this happened, and they started doing things like that to you. I was thinking after that, is my level of patience getting lower? Why am I easily offended by drivers like that, when I can just let him drive his way through? I don't know.

Judging from a third party of this situation, what have you got to say?

should i, or should i not?

FUCK!

this is my second time blogging.. whats up with pressing shift + page up here man.. everything goes blank doing that.. not even pressing ctrl + z helps getting them back.. frust.. alright im really gonna make this as simple as possible.. the first one is better.. damn..

i was talking about why pictures online cannot be viewed.. so its server down? and if i should change my style of blogging.. cos what im doing here is just very informal.. wihout capital letters after every dots.. using lotsa dots.. and did i mention dots.. ahahaha yeah its kinda hard to explain la.. oh yeah and all these la's and lor's malaysian style.. i'll do a comparison here.. read carefully ah.. this is like doing primary english exercise man..

"today is a very nice day to be sleeping.. i wonder if i should go to bed or continue blogging leh? ahahaha i dont know wor.. couldnt make decision.. feeling hungry at the same time also.. aih.. oh well maybe i should just continue blogging and start thinking of lingling cos its really tiring working so early in the morning like this.. 0638 only.. aih.. so whats uppp malaysia?! alrights im just shitting with you now.. ahahah ive been loitering around too long.. i should get back to work now.. see ya"

OR

"Today is a very nice day to be sleeping but I wonder if I should go to bed or continue blogging? I dont know, couldnt make decision and am feeling hungry at the same time as well. Oh well, maybe I should just continue blogging and start thinking of LingLing because it's really tiring working so early in the morning like this, its only 0638. So, what's up Malaysia! Alright I'm just shitting with you now because I've been loitering around too long. I should get back to work now, see ya."

see the difference? what do you think? can i do a bit of both? without those dots, "..." the whole sentence would be like.. emotion-less.. yeah its like reading newspaper.. with those dots its like reading a live journal.. thats the whole point why people blog right? ahahah yeah i think i'll do a bit of both..

if you guys have any suggestion.. post it up here or link it up there yeah? ehehehe see you.. not gonna press shift + page up again.. gonna do ctrl + a ahahaha byebye

another shock..

i was having lunch with lingling today.. and teaching her how to play noah's ark on my pda when a short message from daryl came in.. it says, "bro.. cairil commit suicide.. pass away ar.." i was like.. WHAT?! before i could reply him kai sheng called from johor and told me the same news.. i was really shocked.. hoping it wasnt true..

everybody was calling everyone who are friends with cairil.. in the end keong told me its true.. i was like.. man.. this is my third time experiencing news like that.. losing 3 friends in one year.. i really really pray with my fingers crossed not to hear any of these news anymore.. no more.. and it happened today.. here i want to talk a bit about cairil.. a friend i met 3 years ago when i was doing canadian pre-university in taylors..

cairils a boyfriend to my old schoolmate.. desiree when they were doing a levels in taylors.. i got to know cairil through daryl and desiree.. cairils a very easy-going person.. and everybody would say he's cute when they get to know him.. although we didnt really go out and kinda lost touch after taylors.. we were in the same college after that.. sunway college.. we dont go out often.. but asking how we're doing everytime we bumped into each other is a must.. and we always say hi from afar when we see each other..

i saw cairil somewhere few days back.. and i didnt approach to say hi cos we were walking the opposite direction.. and hearing the news about him today made me regret so much.. for not saying at least a hello.. i feel life is getting more and more unpredictable nowadays.. and very ironic.. it happens every now and then.. i really am feeling speechless now.. for losing a friend i seldom kept in touch with..

losing a friend is like carving a scar in your heart,
losing a friend means you'll never get to keep in touch,
losing a friend means drifting you and me forever apart,
losing a friend is like missing you forever so much..

memories of you and me will never end,
for it will be here staying in my heart,
may you rest in peace my friend,
watching and taking care of us from far apart..

october 19th, 2004 - 1.40 am

car break-down

Date: 17th October 2004
Time: 1:06am
Venue: Restaurant Padang Jawa 24 Hours

i was driving off from girlfriends house and discovered smoke coming out from the engine bay.. called up nazlee and he asked to go Padang Kota Mamak, the place where tvcm's first gathering was held.. reached there after 14 minutes drive.. nazlee, terrence and vmpire2 checked my car and found out smokes coming out from the engine bay.. opened car hood and terrence brought his torchlight to locate where the smoke come from.. after a while of checking.. smoke resulted from unknown oils dripping towards hot engine somewhere down below.. couldnt really see where.. decided to leave the car to rest before further check-ups.. start engine after that and revved a few times before big big smoke came up from the engine bay..

decided to call up toyota's 24 hour toll service.. the red toyota card.. didnt start the engine cos of the smokes but pushed the car to another side.. terrence steered while me, nazlee and vmpire2 pushed.. discovered another BIG patch of oils on the road where the car last located.. SCARY.. sat and waited for tow truck to come while chatting about cars in general with nazlee and his wife, nozilan, terrence and vmpire2..

tow truck arrived around 3.00 am and towed me car back to my house.. dad said its too dangerous to leave the car in SC.. departed from Padang Kota Mamak after that..

here i would want to extend my greatest gratitude from the bottom of my heart to nazlee and wife, nozilan, terrence and vmpire2 (in alphabetical order) for helping me out just now.. without you guys i'd be stuck in the middle of nowhere and might also blowed my engine away.. they have truly shown a very high spirit towards helping members in need of tvcm.. im very touched

thank you,

I LOVE TVCM..

signing off @ 5.50 am

first day working morning shift?

helloo.. is this morning or midnight? or.. eric is no longer able to differenciate whats day and night.. this is my first time waking up 3 plus in the morning and going for a 4 am shift.. as soon as i got myself refreshed from the bed.. i drove myself off to 8tv.. a very cool and refreshing environment i must say.. nice to know that one is able to do almost anything on the road at such awkward time.. i did a u-turn on nkve highway.. just for the fun of it.. and going the other way round of jalan sehala.. going totally the opposite way in the highway.. man you dont get to do all these in the daytime nor night-time where all the cars comes speeding away.. ahahahaha im happy to know i can do that for the rest of the weeks of OCTOBER! ahahahaha man working 4 am in the morning.. love it..

just checked out some bodykits for my car.. man i cant wait.. end of this year.. my cars gonna be one chun babe ehehehe.. there goes my cash.. ahahaha

oh yeah lingling stuff something on my phone.. lemme see.. it looked like a cheque.. wait its a one million dollar cheque! USD! ahahaha nah im just shitting around.. *awww so sweet* its a small note! ahahaha yes yes its very comfy ehehehe love ya lots! i shall come conquer your house soon dont worry ekekeke *love love*

its 7 am..
where are all my friends..
must be sleeping really tight..
having fun through the night..
i miss my bed..
i miss my pillow..
but most of all..
i miss myself the sleepy head..

aih.. i want to sleep! bah..

tiring night

today is my third day working at 8tv.. man im feeling more tired everyday.. ahahaha.. today i did some work of gathering different ages of some sms contest.. very the tired.. ahahaha especially my eyes.. its already small.. and i think its getting smaller... muahahahaha not to mention the 8tv theme.. its lingering in my head forever.. ahahahaha beh tahan.. lalalalalaa...

so whats gonna happen tomorrow? i dont know.. this week i'll be working from 6pm to 3am.. will be off on friday cos i've to go back to college to see some of my lecturers from victoria university.. ahhhh.. i think its gonna be damn boring cos its starting from 930 til 1530.. then i'll be heading home to watch MI with my family and lingling in genting highlands.. must be very very pack up there..

i dont know if i should look forward to next weeks schedule.. maybe not.. cos i'll be working alone.. not exactly alone but deni wont be going in work with me.. i'll be working with cynthia and bhavesh.. aih..

wish me lucks people

working life

well well.. i was very curious of how my internships gonna be before this.. working in 8tv is like hmm.. fun? alrights i get all the answers for it now cos im blogging from my working place at the moment.. okay let me tell you what my work is like.. im placed under the interactive department doing bugs for tv programmes..

basically my work is kinda relax.. and fun.. ahahaha but the working hours is like.. whoah totally taking away my nightlife.. ahahaha.. which means i cant go out yumcha with my friends.. i cant go out with my friends.. i cant spend time with my family.. and most of all.. i cant see my lingling.. man.. this is so cham.. ahaahaha.. i'll have to work night shift from 6pm til 3am this week.. then i'll be working from 4am til 11am? ahahah imagine waking up 3 in the morning and getting ready to WORK? ahahaha i cant imagine that.. but i think i'll be immune to it after a while.. im gonna miss my nightlife and spending time with lingling going out for movies whenever we want and going out dinner or yumcha at night.. most of all.. if i were to go visit lingling nowadays.. i might have to think twice cos i wont be able to visit her in the daytime neither night time.. come to think of it.. maybe i wont even be able to differenciate night and day ahahaha..

oh yeah.. my working place is also full of smokes.. cos they smoke :)

it has been few days already since i last blogged.. ehehehe.. yeaps had to deal with assignments straight after our anniversary.. this year marks the 3rd time of me celebrating linglings birthday.. muahahaha so i decided to make something different this year.. i didnt even let a single clue out for her cos shes just too smart to find out.. trust me.. she is indeed smart.. i dont know how but very very very smart.. ahahaha but this year.. i win muahahaha

i put her present and a cake in the bistro at bangsar.. telawi bistro.. yeaps.. it has been so long since i last went bangsar.. man.. its still the same.. just that they now have to close the whole street down by 2 am.. sad huh.. BUT.. linglings birthday celebration remained steady and cute and cute and did i mention CUTE? ahahaha let me now tell you a story of lingling the cow.. ahahaha

we were at bistro around 10 plus.. not later than 1030 pm.. yeaps.. cos i told a friend of mine to help me book the table.. we had late dinner.. hmm.. here i would like to give a credit and ten points to the oneBear team ahahaha.. thanks bro.. then we chatted a while before he left the whole table to us.. lingling started playing cards.. so me, lingling, chris and dorothy played while waiting for the rest to come.. the rest of linglings friends are siewkwan and ah ding, jielin and darren, adele, evelyn and her boyfriend.. we were playing cards until lingling wanted something different.. so this was what chris suggested..

"why dont we all play a game called small cow (showing a big sign with 2 hands) and big cow (showing a small sign with 2 hands) each of us will have to do opposite signs until one of us shows bla bla bla..", sorry cos i dont really know the game also.. ahahah but it was fun.. very very the fun..

so off we played and the loser had to drink.. lingling drank a lot.. and she became a bit off.. ahahaha and said to everyone of us.. "big cow, we are all cows! eehehehehe", and laughed like that.. exactly like eheheh.. ahahahah so CUTE so CUTEEEEEE! ahahahaha we are all cows.. my god.. never have i seen such a cute and lovely girl.. i must be the luckiest guy on earth :) aiyoor.. mana boleh tahan.. oh oh before that dorothy ordered her a glass of lamborghini something.. or something lamborghini.. couldnt recall.. cos i drank also.. ahaah surprisingly i didnt vomit..
muahahaha im getting a hang out of this already ekekeke.. and then she drank and became the cow again.. ahahahaha.. it was only 11 plus and everyone was like kinda drunk ahahaha.. so i was a bit worried if my surprise will not be one.. but when the cake came out with the present everything turned out fine.. lingling was too drunk to notice the surprise i think.. but she sure do look like a happy birthday girl.. ehehee love to see her so happy.. she gave me a nick too.. happy boy muahahaha.. and she will be the happy girl.. eekkekee :)

happy 20th birthday lingling *hugs*