比较

人始终会有一天那别人来和你比较。原因很简单。
因为当你跟一个人相处的太久的时候，同时也会
把你不好的一面看到一清一楚。到最后，就会把
你放在其他人的角度来做比较。

我不晓得这是不是一个很自然的做法。只是觉得
这样做是不对的。朋友就是一个最好的比较。
可能朋友不是一个你每一天都会遇到的人。或者
久久看一次。好的一面一定会看到完。可是不好
的一面，请问一下。会看到吗？

不会。

所以我在想。和一个你每天都会见到的人，真的
需要这样来做比较吗？值得用那么直接的话来说
出口吗？有一些人是永远都不会明白，当一些话
说出来的时候，是多么的通，多么的难受。

看来，为某一些人准备做的一些计划，真的真的
都比不上一般好朋友。

restless..

Great to know how I actually got myself stuck with
problems in one day. How I got myself stuck with the
phrase no one understands me.

Sometimes I wonder if leaving everything behind and
walk away from problems will make things better.
No, it won't. I will have to explain. Explainations.
Suck.

I so want to go out and drive up to the highest hill
and lie down. Perhaps the stars above me would listen
to my sighs and problems. Perhaps picking up a stone
next to me and talking to it makes me feel better.
Everywhere in me is like blocked. I breathed hard every
after one minute. All I can do is to listen to the same
song repeatitively to make myself feel better.

I understand why when people say leave me alone helps.
It doesn't help at times. Like now. I have no one to talk to.
No one to listen to me. Worse of all, I don't even feel like
talking after reading some messages. Sometimes people tends
to write stuff that hurts without realising. Do I go up to
them and say, "Hey, you just hurt me with your words just
now" - Do you think they care? No. Everyone has to live with
their own reasons. Including me. Yeah, maybe I don't own the
whole world when I'm in a dilemma.

Neither do you.

Come to think of it. All my mistakes leads to only one
conclusion and there's no turning back. I just have to
live with it and listen to words and examples that hurts.
Why must it be that group of friends? Why can't it be
other groups? Why must that group always be the main
examples? Why, why, WHY?!

Instead of driving out and expose myself to risks of
having to step hard on the accelerator. I choose to blog.
It's like talking to the wall. Just that your fingers
doing the work. And you get to read and read and think.
What have I done wrong? I don't even deserve a chance to
make it up to anyone! I have to deal with problems inside
and outside the family. Don't I deserve a choice to choose
not to discuss anything, yet?! I have to suck up to all the
problems and dilemmas that I'm having all by myself. Yes,
I chose that. All I get in return is a few lines of
hit-directly-to-the-heart words. Great.

Thank you very much. Maybe I deserve all these. I even chose
to face them alone instead of taking you along. Yeah, maybe
no one understands me. No one. Not even you. I'm just mad.
Mad at what? Myself? Yeah, maybe. I don't mean to offend
anyone. But who am I supposed to turn to?!

No one. Out of the sudden I feel like I'm the only one
left in this world. Together with melodies that flows in me.
Trying to calm me down. Breathing hard in hopes that the
dilemmas would just leave..

I feel.. restless..

Generation Gap

I always told myself, maybe one day when you get old,
when you have your own children, you might think like
Dad and Mom. But I never think that way when it comes
to cars and gadgets, the things which I like. I know
if my son or daughter have the same interests as I am,
they will enjoy talking about them with me. And I can
tell them what I did when I was their age, how I make
myself feel satisfy looking back at the things which
I have done. The self-satisfaction factor.

I won't have that kind of discussions with my parents.
Cos they don't have the same interests as I am. They
don't like cars. Why? They think it's a waste of money.
I agree to this. But sometimes people work to eat, work
to play harder. Whatmore, investing something on their
interests? Yes, it's true that the car you drive and the
way you modify it reflects who you are. But that doesn't
mean you're a rascal, that doesn't mean you're someone
bad. Everyone has different tastes and point of view towards
certain things. Everyone has the right to say it's nice
or not. Everyone deserves the right to voice out their
opinions. Just as long as you yourself think it's okay and
you feel okay with it. It really doesn't matter what other
people says or comments, right? It's just like when you
think this shirt looks nice and you decided to buy it.
A friend walked over and say, "Hey, I don't think this
shirt looks nice on you" - So, you get offended and decide
not to wear it ever again? That's bullshit.

I think I look nice on it, and I will.

Sometimes I wonder if I will think like my parents. Maybe I
will, maybe I won't. Savings and studies plan for my children?
Yeah, I will. I guess I won't prohibit my children to get
a black car when they're 18. I mean, if it's a dangerous color
why would government even bother to pass them? These are all
man-made comments. Saying black car is dangerous at night cannot
see, yadda yadda yadda. I think it's cool. Anyway, does that mean
modding a black car to look more extreme reflects the driver
as a bad person? I noticed I've repeated this question the second
time. I just can't get them out of my head, yet.

It doesn't alright, IT DOESN'T. It's just human nature for
people who likes cars to mod them, whatever ways they want to.

How many parents are there who supports their kids to mod cars?
Not many. If so, why bother putting bodykits and rims and bigger
tyres? If you don't even like modding cars, why bother thinking
of ways to make your car looks nice? Might as well just leave it
STOCK? You can't. Humans are made to think. They just won't stop
thinking until something came up and satisfy them. Regardless of
how old they are. We are all humans. The only difference is just
because of our Generation Gap.

I'm done. I will sleep the pain away tonight. Goodnight

what a rip off..

It's a real pain in the ass when you have all the will and efforts
to write songs which you think is good, but in the end turned
out to be something not. In my case. Yeah, I wrote a song just
two nights ago. I think it's pretty good. Could be a hit in the future
until I listened to my ipod and found out that the chorus turned
out to be exactly the same, with another song!

WHAT A RIP OFF!

I was like.. totally stunned. I like this song too. Apparently, I kept
listening to it sometime ago so I guess it just came out of my mind
when I was strumming the guitar. Damn!

My apologies to the composer of that song. She's my friend too.
Did a great job composing. Since it's already published. I guess
I'll keep the lyrics. Continue with it. Find a better melody for it.

Yes, I will! Muahaha